Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. They may ask you why you would like to date their daughter. My husband said, “I have no permission to give.”. Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. All rights reserved. Or support. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. Yes. I’m not planning on proposing for another three months. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Is she really independent, for women’s rights, and untraditional. I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!" He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!" I am a person. — Please …. Should I discuss financial details before getting engaged? Respectfully ask for his blessing. Note: You may want to first read the FAQ: Should I ask her father for permission? Whether your parents expect your partner to ask for your hand in marriage or not, it's still something to consider. If they are non-traditional, or you are worried they (or she) might see it as a sexist gesture, simply be careful about the way you phrase it. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Went to ask my girlfriends father for permission to marry. Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. Sort by. I think that's a lovely idea. Today, I’m focusing on one tradition that has slowly faded: asking her father’s permission … I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. The tradition of asking the father for permission stems back to days where the man ran most of the family affairs. Our parents have dinners together and email constantly so there is no real problems with anything like that. DEAR CAROLYN: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. I want to ask her to marry me but I am not sure if I should ask him first? Taking her father out for a steak dinner is also a nice option. There’s no point getting her father’s permission and then being turned down at the crucial moment. Even though the “blessing” is traditionally supposed to come from the father, we think it’s a great idea to include your girlfriend’s mother as well. I have been dating this girl for 4 years I am in majoring in pre-med at UT Tyler will be done in 1 year then I will transfer to The University of Colorado for Radiology. Thanks all. Dear Asking: Do you think your girlfriend wants you to ask her father for permission to marry her? secondly he is a military style daddy (colone How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? There really isn't any pressure because even if her father says no you are probably still going to ask the woman of your dreams to marry you. A sampling: ■ Before I proposed, I spoke with her father -- “I wanted to let you know that I love your daughter, and I’ll be asking her to be my wife.” I knew she really wouldn’t appreciate the “property” overtones, but she’d appreciate me and her dad having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. Eight persuasive arguments for choosing a partner who shares your beliefs. Or is it too oldfashioned. How should I ask her father for permission? I'm going to propose on New years when the ball drops in time square. © 2021 www.freep.com. 1 decade ago. 10 comments. 4 It shows the parents that you’re respectful and care about her enough to step up and ask for approval. So no planning ahead because it’s keeping a secret? Is that something that would make her and her father's life more wonderful? First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. Thoughts? Don't forget her mother. hide. I get extremely nervous just thinking of how. Ask both parents when you see them — elder deference > male deference — and ask them to keep a lid on it, though I recommend proposing immediately afterward and not waiting, because keeping secrets from people you’re supposed to be in an intimate relationship with is incredibly counterproductive. All rights reserved. or rather im going to ask her, but I want to first ask her father. Or chat with her online at noon Eastern each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Should I talk it over with my family and friends before proposing? I am not chattel. It depends. I want to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me. Which finger do women wear the engagement ring on. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Rather … Should I ask my girlfriends father for permission? Your girlfriend's father wants to feel good about the man marrying his daughter. What’s an extreme sport? Luckily, the father said yes. Answer Save. However, having her family on board and behind your marriage 100% is a highly desirable aspect of a long, happy, and healthy marriage. My father in-law is very traditional, and also values “manliness”… neither of which terribly describes me. Home   Pre-Engagement FAQ   Engagement Period FAQ   Old Groom's Forum   Disclaimer/Terms/Privacy   Contact Us (ask us a new question). — Asking Her Father. I love her more than anything and would do anything for her. Our now-son-in-law didn’t ask permission but instead came over to say he loved her and hoped we would be happy they wanted to get married. We have been dating for 2 years. ■ The comments make it even more with the nope. Something that many women, this one included, see as a profoundly offensive paternalistic holdover from a time when women didn’t make their own decisions like any other fully realized adult human being? 54 Answers. How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Adapted from a recent online discussion. Funky Little Spacegirl. Now, just request his blessing and support in you asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Dear Please: You got me. But the idea of permission is antiquated and offensive. You know, having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? What type of girlfriend do you have. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission … 7. For example, if the primary reason you are asking her father for permission is because your girlfriend and her family like tradition then you should probably choose a formal setting where you can showcase your gentlemanly side. Try to arrange a personal meeting with her father. The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. Why is the diamond engagement ring important? Do I have to pick the engagement ring out by myself? HOW!? By gq.co m. August 15, 2002 There are ... ask for her hand. Because cake and the course of one’s life are genuinely equivalent. Sometimes a suit and tie is necessary when asking for her father's permission to the marriage, and sometimes a nice dress shirt and slacks are appropriate. Tip Number 1 – Make Sure She’s Ready It may be obvious to say, but make sure your partner is actually going to say yes. save. You think this way about a surprise birthday party? Are there any rules of etiquette or traditions or customs a man should follow when asking a father’s permission to marry his daughter? Relevance. Your California Privacy Rights / Privacy Policy. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Even my super-conservative father rolled his eyes and replied, “You’ll have to ask her.”. Write to Carolyn Hax in care of the Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 or e-mail tellme@washpost.com. I know it is common, but i know she will like it. share. ■ Holy crap —way to rain on the (sweet, traditional) guy’s parade! The wedding is next month. It doesn't always go so well. It might seem a little old school, but before you pop the question to your girlfriend, it is a good idea to approach her father for permission. They can be together when you ask, or after your meeting or phone call with the father you can call up their mom and share the big news and also tell them how much her blessing would mean to you. Perhaps plan to do something that both you and her dad enjoy like fixing your potential fiancée's car or going fishing. This topic blew up the queue when it ran live. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. Do You Only Ask the Father? Do not call your girlfriend’s parents on the phone to express your intentions for marriage or ask them for permission over the phone, unless you have no other option. In summary, try to find a setting where you both feel comfortable, think about the reasons why you want to ask his permission, and think a bit about things from his perspective. If you’re questioning how to ask a dad to marry his daughter, take a deep breath and follow these tips to ease the stress and make it a special moment you and your new father-in-law will treasure. How to ask your girlfriends father for permission for hand in marriage when he lives 4000+ miles away USA-NORWAY. However, the parents live a considerable distance away and we are visiting her family next month. Asking in person is the best option. Or mother. You should know the answers to those questions before proposing. By Carolyn Hax / The Washington Post. firstly he stays about 8 hours drive away from me. Check out our expert's opinion Halfpoint/Shutterstock. If that is the case then you may want to check whether or not she wants you to ask her father. Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. Make sure that you take the time to explain that their permission is important and valued to you both. Favourite answer. At the same time, make sure your potential bride has … If you know she is traditional or would want that, then yes, you should very much ASK, it helps build respect between you and her parents. And if you want to ask anyone, ask my mother, she’s the one in charge anyway :). Generally, it's a nice gesture, assuming your sweetheart is close with her parents and that they are relatively traditional. Coming from a girl, that has had boyfriends ask to date me before they asked me out, I 100% believe is the right thing to do. I’m fairly sure the father will, but while her mother is great, she may have more difficulty keeping it quiet (I’m assuming he’ll tell her) — maybe I should just trust her father to keep it a secret from her mother if he thinks she’ll let the cat out of the bag. 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